He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
