Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
