just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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