fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
