I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
