dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
