Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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