i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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