I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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