Yo dont text me then not text me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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