Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
