He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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