i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
