found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
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