Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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