My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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