I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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