Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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