it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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