Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
