I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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