I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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