Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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