Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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