My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
