In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
