I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
