we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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