1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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