and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
