is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
