i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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