Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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