1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just found puke in my bra..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize