I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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