I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
