yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
