dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
