Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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