yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
