What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
