naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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