And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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