Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I love how my cats smell like pot.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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