Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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