You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
