I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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