so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
