I miss vodka workout Fridays
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
