the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
