My brain says no but my pants say off.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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