if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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