Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
