i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
