sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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