PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
