Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
