really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Drake has all the answers
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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