4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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