I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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