Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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