so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
