do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
