i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
