My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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