K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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