I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
