so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Everything about him screamed your future.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
