You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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