There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
