Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
