She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize