Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
